Motherhood in Church

I love my church, but no church is perfect.

In a big church, one has to be more proactive getting support, and I’m not. The mother’s group the church connected me to was more like a support group for the servers. They are mothers with much older children, and so there was a disconnect in support for new mothers.

Then the only people in church I felt more connected to are from the outreach ministry. However, because hubby and I were still not serving the quota after I delivered, we were dropped out of the ministry to make space for “overwhelming” application of more committed servers. And out of sight, out of mind. So we are back to being lone rangers in church. I was kind of disillusioned by the empty talk, all the talk about being family in Christ. Because once you can’t give, you are dropped instead of being supported.

For the first year, we were struggling badly to take care of our baby without much help. And after that, I became doubtful about myself. For example, there’s this worship leader who went back to serve in the worship ministry shortly after giving birth, and she was like all put together. Or that fashion entrepreneur who seemed to be back into working mode and jetting around the world shortly after confinement.

I felt useless. Why can they but not me? But I forgot that they (should) have a helper that was taking care of their babies while they go ahead with their own grueling schedule. And I have chosen to prioritise time for my newborn over other commitments. So I can’t really compare.

The following is an excerpt of a post that kind of vindicated me, or put words for the discordance I have felt.

When you are a mother at home with your children, the church is not clamoring for monthly ministry updates. When you talk to other believers, there is not any kind of awe about what you are sacrificing for the gospel. People are not pressing you for needs you might have, how they can pray for you. It does not feel intriguing, or glamorous. Your work is normal, because it is as close to home as you can possibly be. You have actually gone so far as to become home.

It is easy to become discouraged, thinking that the work you are doing does not matter much. If you were really doing something for Christ, you would be out there, somewhere else, doing it. Even if you have a great perspective on your role in the kingdom, it is easy to lose sight of it in the mismatched socks, in the morning sickness, in the dirty dishes. It is easy to confuse intrigue with value, and begin viewing yourself as the least valuable part of the church.