God’s Work or My Work?

Baby EX is going to start half day childcare soon…more free time! Excited for some freedom, hopefully it’s not a fluke hope like when she started playgroup in beginning of the year. Was so looking forward to it, when it turned out to be a stressful time. Praying hard!

What to do with the extra free time? During my personal retreat in April, God inspired me to start or restart my second book project. Sort of a second installment of “Love, Pinkie”. That previous novella was about a journey of a single woman in her early twenties, and now it’s about a married woman with kid in her mid thirties. Different struggles, but still struggles.

Fast forward to yesterday, I was contemplating of finding a part time job that pays a regular salary. Recently, we have a new situation that requires more money. Hence logically, a somewhat dual income would be good, at least I have freedom of having more choices and not go for second best. Still, if so, my second best could be the best for me in God’s greater wisdom. Have to learn to be joyful in my abundance. At least we have finances to travel to different countries! Expenses that I couldn’t save – the wealth of knowledge and experience gained through travel means so much to me.

During worship today, I was bogged down by so many worries about the finances and future, about how to handle this and that, how to sustain, etc. Above all, I thought if only we have more money, I would have fewer worries. *dingwrong thinking. If I had focused on God’s love for me, all these worries will dissolve easily. Thankfully, even when I am hard to hear God’s wisdom, He has His way to make me know.

I wasn’t concentrating much during sermon, but I somehow heard this part that gripped my heart:

Look at your personality and the gifts you have. If you are reticent and loves writing, write. Do what you enjoy, and money will follow. Don’t do something for the money. Light is not shining because of laziness, of just indulging in pleasures (in couch surfing, dramas, or mindlessly scrolling social media and watching others live their lives), and of commercialisation. Do the first works and blessings will come.

Whatever God is calling you to, God will give you His grace. Not by might nor power, but by His Spirit.

Even the example quoted by Pastor is about writing. I need to do what He called me to. Seek first His kingdom first. Not by my own skills, but by His grace. To pursue God’s assignment and write that book, and not go do something else for more financial stability/independence.

This reminds me, I was looking at the spinning fan the other day, and this Bible verse came to me:

Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days. – Ecclesiastes 11:1

Like the fan, it will turn and come back in a circle. This spoke to me because this verse was prayed and spoken over me by a dear brother in Christ when I quit my job 10 years ago. Phew, it didn’t seem so long, yet it has been. I am amazed how I survived this decade with no salary. Bread speaks of provision. Perhaps God will triple my potential loss of income after many days, but I know He has already been faithful in providing my needs.

I need to break free of the hold finances have on me. To let go of the orphan spirit that I’m always having not enough. To have dove’s eyes, fixed my eyes on God’s love and focus. Be faithful in what God wants me to do.