Blink goodbye to 2022

Along with the church’s vision of rest and acceleration, my personal vision for 2022 is a year of multiplication and acceleration (as per previous years, I received this vision before I heard about the church’s vision). I look back at 2022 and felt it was gone in a blink – acceleration mode indeed. Yet, I know I am downplaying my struggles like usual. This year has been mentally and emotionally draining, perhaps in a way quite financially draining too.

February, I went for an inner healing session with a Christian ministry. Instead of healing, I receive a heavier yoke of condemnation.

End-February/March, the whole family got COVID and we had to cancel Joy’s 2nd-year birthday celebration. I felt bad for her because of COVID, she didn’t get to celebrate full month/100 days, 1 year and now her 2-year-old birthday.

March, was when I tried out counselling sessions again. This private counsellor is better than the previous one from a polyclinic. Because of an unfortunate incident, I managed to get a subsidised rate for this private practitioner. It’s indeed a blessing in disguise because for therapy to be effective, I need to attend multiple sessions and that can be very expensive. The sessions were good in uncovering hidden root issues, however, I got to filter out some stuff and incorporate Holy Spirit during the healing process.

April, I felt stretched out and seriously contemplated giving up on writing Joogostyle. Yet at the same time, I can’t let go of it. It’s like an expensive hobby, non-essential to my practical life, yet essential to my mental and emotional life. But if this is what God called me to do, He would have given me the time to do them. I would be juggling better. I used to wonder why ministers or pastors take on so many things until they are burnt out. Why can’t they let go and not do everything? I’m now the pot calling the kettle black.

April, spoke to a property agent to understand why people sell their BTO flats at MOP. And that’s when a big acceleration happened. As we went with the flow, we listed our matrimonial home and sold it. It wasn’t planned at all. It’s a surprise to us too. Here is also probably where the multiplication comes in – the storehouse is opened when the famine had spread over all the land (Genesis 41:56).

Yet, the journey thereafter was wrought with all sorts of emotions, including pain. A time of many lessons for me too. I saw how I need to be wise as a serpent in where to place my trust. How I need to be harmless as a dove and be a trustworthy person who keeps my word.

“Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.

Matthew 10:16

More importantly, the whole process showed me how much I love and trust money, and how money is such an idol in my life.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

Matthew 6:24

June/July/August was a whirlwind of flat viewings. Every weekend and some weekday nights were spent viewing houses in Singapore – either for us to rent or buy. We had to bring our kids along most of the time too. I saw how there were so many condominiums (thus many rich households) in Singapore and the different types of estate personalities in Singapore. Sometimes behind the exterior, the interior of a condominium feels like a normal apartment. Behind the glitter, lies the mundane.

July, after a year of fighting, waiting and appealing, justice was not served by the police. I kind of expected it but was still angry at how the perpetrator can go scot-free. I felt led by God to report and fight for justice, yet injustice was what we still had to bear in the end.

August found a flat to rent.

September shifted into the new place (finally!). Even though I was upset at various points during the whole sell-and-rent process, I evidently saw God leading the way and sending angels to help us to the right moves. It was not the milk and honey land I have expected, but nevertheless, they are places He had led us into – it can only be God orchestrated plans.

Me and my girls crab-walking

By the last quarter, I was war-weary ( defines: utterly exhausted and dejected by the war, especially after a prolonged conflict). For the past three years, it has been battling, moulding and withering, albeit under the sunshine of His presence (hope of God). Yet, I wished for a time of resting, prospering and blooming – will it be in 2023?

Last quarter, was a woozy period for me. Largely, it is a time for us to adjust to our new place. Then there was a leakage in finances in many areas – everything I touch seems to dent our finances, even carousell transactions. Health-wise, all of us were sick one after another, especially the girls, like a never-ending story.

Celebrations this year are especially muted because we can’t host parties in our small abode. 🙁 This year I felt especially sad and lonely during the holidays and my birthday. I saw the clarity of my friendships and had to accept the quiet loss/drift of three close friends. Perhaps we were never as close as I thought it to be.

December, was my 8 years wedding anniversary. So this year we had to fight through a 7-year itch. Now I see why it can be tough for couples to go through the 7th year because, with children and all the mid-life pressures and issues, they consolidate into a stressful year.

In December, went to Panis workshop and looked into my past 30-odd years. Revelations after revelations during and after the workshop.

On this last day 31 December 2022, God continued to reveal things. And He pointed out how He was already giving me hints and preparing me for 2023. The details are fuzzy but the seeds are already planted, and the wheels are set in motion.

Like the place He wants us to go.

Like the project He wants me to start.

Like the prayer group, He wants me to create/join.

Because of past experiences, I doubt if I would even go through with the above. Also, I didn’t think they were of God, but just a figment of my wants. So are these God’s plans? There’s only one way to find out. Live through 2023.

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