The Perplexing Hope of Jesus

I couldn’t pinpoint my feelings during this Good Friday weekend until I saw the title of Dr David Jeremiah’s sermon on YouTube, “The Emptiness of Easter.” That gnawing feeling of emptiness. Or perhaps that restlessness.

I didn’t feel extra spiritual this weekend, and that made me guilty, which resulted in me feeling less spiritual than usual. It came to mind that Jesus was not in His “best” spiritual form too when He was in the garden of Gethsemane. He asked God to take away the cup.

Credit: Grace’s Watercolour Painting

Leading to this emptiness/restlessness was a perplexing mix of feelings I had during Holy Week.

Just before Holy Week, I had this feeling of hope. Of a breakthrough (finally) coming. Of breaking into a new season. Of things in motion. Things are picking up.

Then during Holy Week, things took a toll on me. I think because of stress, my blood flowed a week earlier than my usually very regular cycle. How it coincides with Holy Week. And also with menses, I became more irritable in general.

The children were wearing me down with their refusals to sleep, disobedience, and ailments, and on another front, I was dealing with intense self-doubt. With my website’s technical difficulties, some feedback and rejections, I felt like throwing in the towel. My hope of a breakthrough seemed like a hoax after all. On top of all these, I was dealing with lies and betrayals.

Jesus knew His death on the cross would bring a breakthrough into the New Covenant and start a new chapter in New Testament. Yet at the same time, intense events and feelings needed to happen right before that.

Of course, I can’t compare my perplexing mix of emotions with Jesus. The hope and the crash. But it made me appreciate the complexity of the emotions and thoughts Jesus had to deal with – during Holy Week up until the cross. He was tormented not only on the outside but the inside. The invisible wounds might in fact run deeper than the open flesh revealed.

He took all our sins and gives us righteousness.

He bore our physical sufferings and heals us.

He suffered mental torture and emotional distress and comforts us.

It is finished.

When he had received the drink, Jesus said, “It is finished.” With that, he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

John 19:30

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