“You need to let go,” my friend told me.
I shook my head, “It’s so hard.”
“Pray and get the shalom peace,” she said.
My heart was troubled. I blamed God. God, you knew, why didn’t you… I was harping on the expensive mistake, on the past I could not change.
Not too long ago, I watched this show and the brain scientist said something along this line, “Life is full of disappointments, so learn from your mistake and move on. There can never be a 100% perfect or correct life.” I get it theoretically.
I learned from my mistake, but I realised I need to forgive myself and others before I can move on. To forgive me for making the mistake of not doing due diligence, for trusting others too much without wisdom, and for not seeking advice or praying enough. And to forgive others for their slip-ups.
There’s this Chinese saying, 忍一时风平浪静, 退一步海阔天空. To be calm so that torrents can cease, and to take a step back (and let go) for boundless peace. Basically, being stubborn and brooding over the mistake threw me into the loop of condemnation, blame, and negativity. And that’s self-destructive.
I crossed my arms in anger at God and in defiance, stepped into a pit of sinking sand. Yet, God never gave up on me. God relentlessly reached out to me and He spoke until I pried open my hands and let go.
Let go of my regrets and open my hands to hold His hand, trusting His goodness in every step.
Let go of the loss and open my hands to receive His blessings, waiting for what He has in store for me.
Let go of my prideful knowledge of what’s good to receive the better, humbly stepping into the unknown.
Let go of my myopic view and put on His lenses, seeing His perfect will in the grand scheme.
What do you need to let go of?
The lesson for me this time round is to let go of my idol of money. I have long known that I trust my savings a bit more than God’s faithfulness. Savings is my cushion of security. God has been working in me, and when I thought I saw progress in my shift of trust, God peeled the onion further with this recent incident. My love of money is deeper than I thought.
The love of money.
The security in money.
The pride in earning money.
I didn’t really have an actual loss, but a loss in the opportunity cost. It’s God’s grace. He knows how little I could bear. I don’t think I can very much go through an actual loss of such a sum of money. (Later, I heard about NCC Pastor Mark’s testimony and he’s on another level of test to shed away the love of money – we’re talking about letting go of millions.)
For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.1 Timothy 6:10
I heard Ps Timothy Keller once say about how greed is the least confessed sin. Most people don’t know when they are sinning in greed as compared to other sins like adultery. It didn’t occur to me until then how true it is. Covetousness creeps up on us and we start being greedy, especially with scrolling through the flaunts on social media.
Love of money / Being greedy is more common than we think it is, even among Christians:
To the ones who covet and envy what others have.
To the ones who overwork and trust in their earnings.
To the ones who over plan and trust in their investments and savings.
To the ones who worry incessantly over what to eat, drink, and wear (i.e. their daily finances) .
“No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or else he will be loyal to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.
“Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?Matthew 6:24-25
This incident made me understand why Jesus said it’s hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God. If I got a million and to give up that million in the name of Jesus, I really got to trust that Jesus is real. That faith must be rock solid.
Tithing is a good way for us to practise holding on to our wealth loosely. Giving up 10% to prepare us for the 100% to enter the kingdom of heaven.
Then Jesus said to His disciples, “Assuredly, I say to you that it is hard for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. And again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”Matthew 19:23-24
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